History

Archive


  • 05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002
  • 06/01/2002 - 07/01/2002
  • 07/01/2002 - 08/01/2002
  • 08/01/2002 - 09/01/2002
  • 09/01/2002 - 10/01/2002
  • 10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002
  • 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002
  • 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003
  • 01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003
  • 02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003
  • 03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003
  • 04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003
  • 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003
  • 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
  • 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
  • 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
  • 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
  • 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
  • 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
  • 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
  • 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
  • 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
  • 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
  • 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
  • 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
  • 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
  • 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
  • 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
  • 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
  • 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
  • 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
  • 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
  • 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
  • 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
  • 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
  • 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
  • 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
  • 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
  • 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
  • 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
  • 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
  • 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
  • 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
  • 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
  • 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007


    • Oh! waking is a bitter nightmare..when you constantly hang around the fringes of my dreams..

    ..my foundation is crumbling and shattered glass is falling all over sidewalks..

    ..i am collapsing and i am collapsing on myself.. i am shards of glass..and i am the person being wounded by the glass..

    ..there is a certain beautiful honesty about depression..

    ..will Candy and honey not ..sweeten the Bitter acrimony of life? ..if truth indeed be a fallacy, then should reality not be a lie?

    Truth is like water. A little of it quenches your thirst Too much of it..and you drown.

    Monday, October 27, 2003

    i promised once i would watch you fly away like a bird in the sky
    i promised i would untie these strings from my heart so you would be free to go your way
    yes, i promised once,
    but no, i was too weak, not yet strong enough to do as i said.
    yes i promised
    but words were as empty as shells without souls
    i cried once to get your sympathy
    i cried twice to get your attention
    i cried thrice hoping to keep you
    i cry now, but i can't even explain why.
    even as these tears fall,
    its a different feeling from before
    i wanted to talk to you about it,
    but words came out like contorted, lifeless, meaningless, sounds
    i wanted you to hear
    but i was mute
    i looked but i didnt see,
    i spoke but did not communicate
    i cried, but without tears,
    i loved but with only half a heart


    like truth on a shiny white screen
    words hitting me hard like a whip upon my flesh
    Its madness because i never ..




    i just cant finish this.
    i just cant finish this
    i can't write anymore
    i can't write anymore
    i just really don't know what to say.
    i don't know how to put these down in words
    how?
    i thought i told myself it didnt matter anymore
    i told myself it wouldn't affect me anymore
    i thought i didnt care anymore
    i told myself i didnt GIVA DAMN

    but isnt it obvious i dO? i so totally do. the fact im crying now means i do.
    G was right
    i never gotten over anything. i will never be ok
    and now im just a big fat loser



    or maybe just so stupid emotional fool

    dawn fairy on the moon at 10/27/2003
    Thursday, October 16, 2003

    No, really i am not one of those angsty types. Misery is not sweet, and depression is not fun. But both are as real and tangible as can be

    no im really not angsty. i do not like being miserable. i do not enjoy my misery. i do not create my misery.

    sometimes ,my feelings are just so hard to put down in words.
    its hard for me to articulate something buried deep in the heart


    when i think i grow better , wiser , with time.
    actually i am regressing.

    i wrote a song while sitting at the roadside, near the one fulllerton ( clifford pier) . With the cars whizzing by on the roads and the weird stares i got from people...but i just felt the urge to write.

    here's part of it. it aint any good because its too raw, but i just kept writing what ever that was coming to my mind at that very moment

    "i can't understand this dull ache in my heart,
    but then maybe someday i will find the answers,
    but only after it stops hurting so much."

    "Sitting here cocooned in my own thoughts
    i watch the world pass me by,
    wondering how i can be standing to still,
    even though i am running so fast."

    "Don't tell me its nothing much,
    even if it dosent make sense,
    don't tell me i will get over it,
    even if it be a phase
    im not angry, im not tired im not sad
    im just trying to be the wiser
    im just trying to live my life,
    the way it should have always been."

    "maybe someday i will look back
    and realise how small my thoughts were,
    maybe my heart refuses to comprehend now,
    letting my bitterness feed upon my misery,
    letting this acidity bite into my soul
    maybe someday my tears will turn to gold,
    But im just sick of watching it all go by,
    while im still in some stagnation,
    knowing who there are, where and why,
    while i don't even know if im real."


    hmm..these r just some parts from my song! its not tt great but it was an impulse. there.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 10/16/2003